Musings
by Cenlyra
Summary: Black family women pen their thoughts on the importance of family. Series of 6 one-shots, each with a different character. Attempted canon. May contain spoilers. Rating for possible thoughts of violence.
1. Musings of a Mother

**This is my first attempt at writing one-shots like this…**

**Anyway, you know I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters in these musings. Wish I did, but I don't. Don't sue me, Jo!!**

**Please read and review. Please, please, please!**

**Anyway, without further ado, may I present… Musings!**

My three daughters. My babies. One in Azkaban, one a blood traitor, and one… one completely lost without the other two.

She never was strong. Emotionally. Narcissa, my youngest. Constantly unsure, never dedicated. Beautiful though, like an angel. Soft, fair, my child of light. Not a dark beauty like her sisters; she inherited my color. My pale skin tone, my light hair. Even my eyes; I always saw myself in her. Perhaps that's what was so difficult. I saw my mistakes every time I looked into those clear eyes, and I couldn't bear it. Truth be told, I was relieved when she went off to school. The most delicate of the three, yet I feared her. And my fear must have been plain to her. I never wanted her sent to me; I knew her eyes would show my miserable life. Everything she learned, I would have Bella teach. I think Narcissa feared her, almost as much as I feared Cissy.

Because Bellatrix was strong. Dedicated wholeheartedly to her blood, to her role. Always. She knew what was expected of her and what to expect of others. And she was a beauty, too. Narcissa's opposite. Dark-skinned, like most Blacks, dark eyes. And so powerful. Magically. Even before Hogwarts, her magical skill was excellent. And it constantly grew. Tenfold, a hundredfold, a million-fold. Maybe she was too strong. Maybe we made her a bit too dedicated, I don't know. She joined the Dark Lord. The first female in his inner circle. Because he always advocated more power to purebloods. Being in control, as is our right. Our birthright. We were given power for a reason: to use it. Her soul grew as dark as her hair, her eyes. She tortured, killed, took pleasure in her acts. Then she got caught. What does she see in Azkaban, I wonder? What memories do the dementors leave behind for her to face? Memories of me?

See, I never thought I was a good mother. I tried, of course, and I can only hope that I turned out better than my pathetic excuse for a mother. My middle daughter, I'm sure, has no worries. Andromeda was born with a mothering instinct and a very logical mind. You hear that the middle child is always the unwilling mediator, but Andromeda genuinely loved it. I suppose it was the self-certainty that comes from always proposing an easily accepted compromise. Because she'd easily find solutions where every Black in the three previous generations had failed to look. Andromeda could always tell what people wanted, too, and she always reaped some kind of benefit. Even now. She turned her back on all she was and married some common Mudblood, yet I still can't manage to forget the blood traitor. I heard she had a daughter, and I'm sure the child is well-cared for. Nurtured. She probably turns to Andromeda when she feels bad. Narcissa always used to. Even Bellatrix, when she was small. She'd pour out her problems to her sister, who couldn't even understand them. But who would Andromeda turn to? Who could she turn to? Always the most caring…

I'm sorry. I've failed every one of you, and I sincerely regret it. These three wishes, I want to dedicate to each of you. Narcissa, may you someday find the strength to stand for what you believe. Andromeda, may you be blessedly happy for the rest of your life, whether with the Muggle-born or not. And Bellatrix, my eldest, I have but four words for you: May you find peace.


	2. Musings of a Blood Traitor

**You know I don't own Harry Potter. You know Jo does. Love ya, Jo.**

**Anyway, if you hadn't figured it out, the last one was Druella Black, the mother of Bellatrix, Andromeda, and Narcissa. And if you're curious, this one is Andromeda. Obviously. Again, please r/r. Your evil, evil criticism can only help me. Thinking about upping the chapter count to 6, so that's what I'll do, I think.**

**So, I now present… (fanfare) Musings of a Blood Traitor.**

Shouldn't mothers be happy when their daughters find the perfect man? Shouldn't sisters fight each other for the coveted maid-of-honor position in the wedding? And I never got a father-daughter dance…

So narrow-minded. Just because he's a Muggle-born doesn't mean that he's bad. Not that I was always that open-minded as a child; I knew my place. Actually I still do; I knowingly crossed the line. Hopeful that maybe… maybe their love for me would allow them to overlook his birth. Am I too sentimental?

Mother always told me that what I do reflects on my family. I suppose that's why they did it – to keep the family name intact. But I wonder what abandoning your daughter would say about you as a parent…

I heard that Bella joined He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Didn't really surprise me, honestly, when I heard. It just seems like her. She always felt at least as strongly about her "birthright" as the rest of the family. It's all nonsense, of course. I mean, "we are of noble birth and we must respect our heritage"? I don't see how we could legitimately be held accountable for who our family is. I've never met anyone who could truly choose what family they are born into. Is that why I did it?

Did I only marry Ted as a protest against the beliefs I no longer upheld? I'm sure I loved him… I don't even know anymore. That sounds horrible, I know. Not even sure why you married the love of your life, the father of your child. Why did I marry him? Was it just my love for him and his for me that spurred this choice, or was it a protest? A combination of the two? If so, which was more prevalent?

I must have known that it would do this. That my marriage would start to rip apart my family. Not that we were terribly close before, even as children. I believe I was the only one who craved a more loving family, a more accepting family. Bella was always the apple of our mother's eye, excusing the Muggle saying, and Father always doted on Cissy. I was always left for last, and whenever I would say anything about it, I would be dismissed. I wonder if they regret it. Whether they think about it. About me.

Does Father wonder if I'm happy? Does Mother think about me? I'm sure someone must have mentioned, if only accidentally, that I've had a daughter. Do they wonder about her? And Bella and Cissy. What do they think? I bet Bella doesn't care, or if she does, she won't let herself show it. But Narcissa… I think she, at least, misses me. I wonder if maybe, in the dark of night, she cries for me. Maybe she whispers her thoughts and wishes her voice would carry to me. Because she told me she wouldn't forget me. She told me she'd always love me. No matter what. And that's how family should be.


	3. Musings of a Death Eater

**This is scary, now I'm getting into Bellatrix's mind. Anyway, don't own Harry Potter, don't want to. Bellatrix, now, that's another story, but…**

**So… here goes: Musings of a Death Eater**

I must do it. They are putting the family into ruin. I've already started restoring the family glory. I killed the blood traitor Sirius, my cousin. And I will kill Andromeda. And her worthless Mudblood husband. And their brat. My family will not wear the badge of dishonor any longer. Mother and Father raised us properly. With proper pride for our family name and our blood. But the traitor put it all behind her for some Mudblood. No matter. I will get them soon enough anyway.

Narcissa and I, we never lost our pride. She married into the Malfoy family and bore an heir. Draco. Too weak and scared. My son, if I had one, would not be that weak. He's a disappointment, but Narcissa won't accept that fact. I married into the Lestrange family. Not by choice, but because I knew what was expected of me. If I hadn't… it would be inexcusable. But I can't have a child. I won't do it. The marriage may not be a choice, but what happens within is.

I don't love him. Rodolphus means absolutely nothing to me. I married him only because he would start to bring glory back to the family. His brother was out of the question because Rabastan was older and would undoubtedly have overruled my wishes.

I love only one and serve only him. The Dark Lord, my master. Rabastan would never have allowed me to serve the Dark Lord to the extent that I can, which is inexcusable. I had to marry, so I chose Rodolphus. Pushover.

And I am my master's most faithful servant. I am confident that I will be rewarded for this service. He trusts me alone with his deepest secrets, with the teacup. I will not fail him. I will not allow any in my Gringotts vault. Lucius has already failed him in this; he lost the diary. I will not, however, be so negligent of the Dark Lord's most valued possessions. The teacup will not be found. I vow it.

And the traitors in my family? They will pay, of course. They brought dishonor and shame to the Noble House of Black. I will personally dispose of them, like I already disposed of Sirius. Andromeda will suffer, perhaps seeing her worthless husband die in front of her. She will suffer for her crime. Turning her back on her bloodline, on her family, she was rightfully cast out. She will pay. She will beg me for mercy, and I will deny her request. She will be truly sorry she ever turned away. She will repent, and I will still deny her. By the time I have finished with her, her Mudblood husband will be dead, her brat who married the werewolf will be dead, and she will be begging for death.

Yes, My Lord, I will prune my family tree at the first chance. _Toujours Pur._ Forever pure. The Noble House of Black.


	4. I Found My Strength

**Narcissa's turn to speak her mind… Nope, don't own her either. Jo does.**

**And I know this one goes against style; it doesn't start with "Musings of"**

I don't know what to do. I just want them safe. Lucius and Draco. They're my family. Lucius is in Azkaban, and the Dark Lord is punishing him further, using Draco. My son. He is too young; he doesn't know what lies in store for him. He is reckless, too daring, too… too eager.

I don't want it for him. The Dark Lord's beliefs… tore my family apart, even as a child. I was constantly being pulled from all sides. It's a miracle, I suppose, that we're together to the extent we are. Bella and I. And Lucius, Draco, and I.

No Andromeda though. I miss her. She was always kind, and she always knew how to fix everything. She would be able to fix this, I'm sure; she'd know what to do. But she married the Mudblood against family wishes. And the punishment for this, of course, is to be cast away from the family. In a way, I guess I understand, but in a way… I wish it could be different.

I guess that's how I always was. I saw both sides. I just didn't know which to choose. Bella would torture me, and Andromeda… she'd make me feel guilty for not standing up to Bella. But Bella never hurt her to the extent that she'd torment me. I guess Bella found a stronger soul in her. But I could never make decisions with the certainty that either of them could. I never had the strength to stand by my choice. So I stayed quiet. I stayed quiet while Andromeda announced her engagement to the Mudblood, while Mother fought her, while Aunt Walburga burned her name off the family tapestry as a warning to us all (Father couldn't do that. A last tribute to his daughter, I suppose.), even when Sirius shouted he couldn't take it anymore and ran off, I stayed absolutely silent. If I couldn't agree wholeheartedly with the family's choices, the least I could do was avoid openly disagreeing.

But now, I don't think that's an option. If I stay silent now, my son… I can't do that to him. He'll get caught up in things he can't control. And I can't… I can't do that. Not to my family.

That's why I could never forget Andromeda. Why I would cry myself to sleep for years. Why I whisper her name, even now before I go to bed. Why I write this. She's my family too. No matter what they say. And family should stick together, shouldn't they? Shouldn't they? Andromeda would say so. She'd tell me… she'd say to watch over your family.

So that's what I'll do. I will watch over Draco. I will protect him. Keep him from getting in too far. I will protect Lucius, when he is returned to me. I will even attempt to protect Bella from herself. Because they're my family. And my family is my strength.

And Andromeda, I dedicate this to you. It's because of you that I found my strength. I miss you. I love you. And… I thank you. Because you are my strength.


	5. Danger

**Hey, audience poll time: Does Tonks count as a Black? Actually, I don't care what you think, I'm throwing her in here anyway.**

**Nope, don't own her either; Remus would get mad, and you don't want a ticked off werewolf after you, now do you? I honestly don't want a ticked off Jo after me either, but Remus could infect me. **

**Anyway, this one doesn't follow the musings pattern, and the next one won't either. This one's kinda weird, too. **

It'll be dangerous... How many times have I heard that statement in the past few years? He always tried to rebuff me with it. But I didn't care. I still don't. I need to face the danger. I need to face my fear. Right?

_No. You have a baby. You need to raise him. That's your most important job right now. Whether Remus is in the future or-_

I don't want to think that. I love Remus. I need him. I can't live without him.

_And can Teddy live without you? You know the likelihood of your own death, don't you? If you go, you'll probably die._

Says who? I've been in loads of battles before, and I've never died in any of them. Who says this'll be any different?

_Look at yourself for a minute. You're exhausted, not sleeping well, obviously not thinking clearly. You need to be rational about this. Teddy needs you. Mum needs you. Without Dad... You know she'll be lost if she loses you too._

I'll be fine. I'll be extra careful. Mum'll be fine. Teddy'll be fine. She'll take care of him. She can do it, and she's loads better at it than I am.

_But you're his mother. No one else can take the place of that. No matter how good they are at it. And you can't guarantee you'll be fine. What will she do if you're not?_

She'd... hopefully she'd realize that this is something I need to do

_What are you going to do, leave in the night? Give her no indication that you're going? Just leave Teddy here? Didn't you hear when Remus told you? He said Harry wouldn't approve. What makes you think that your own mother, who was there for you since birth, would understand this sudden fancy to Leave. Your. Own. CHILD!_

I'm not leaving... I just...

_What? You just _need _this?! You're pathetic. Teddy is your son!_

And Remus is my husband. I'm through with this. I'm going.

_He told you not to. He told you to stay with Teddy, no matter what happened._

Didn't he know... didn't he know how hard that would be for me? He has to have known that I would want more than anything to be there. I'm not... cut out for this stay-at-home mother thing. He has to know that. He knows I can't just...

_I know that, but you're being selfish. It's too dangerous. You're bound to be caught. Injured. Killed. Then what happens to Teddy?_

You're talking like Remus is... like he's already gone. I... You know I can't want that. I can't face it. I need him. I don't want to think... Am I too late?

_How should I know? It's not like I'm there. Anyway, your duty is to Teddy. Remus specifically said you needed to stay with Teddy. He wants you safe. You're the one he cares about. I swear he wants you safe._

I don't care. The danger doesn't bother me. I want to go. I want to fight. I'll be fine. I just need to see...

_Remus?_

I need to see if he's okay. I need to help. I;m no good at this staying out of the way. I want to be in the center of the action. That's how I am. I didn't go through Auror training just to sit at home and wait, unknowing.

_Go then. Just don't say I didn't warn you. And at least leave Mum a note._

**Did you get it? Tonks is just arguing with herself. Anyway, please r/r.**


	6. Epilogue

**This one's actually kind of cool. I didn't get the idea for it until later... And I don't own any of the characters in it. I like the last line though; I'm thinking about getting it copyrighted. ;)**

_Teddy screamed in the middle of the night, and despite the fact that Andromeda swore to her daughter that she wouldn't get up at all, she went straight to Teddy's room._

_"He wants to be held," she murmured to herself absentmindedly as she picked up the boy._

_She took him into the living room and was headed toward the rocking chair when she saw the letter._

Dear Mum,

I'm sorry, but I have to go. They're having the final battle at Hogwarts. Harry's there, and You-Know-Who is there, I think. Anyway, it could all end tonight. And Remus went. So I have to go. I can't stand it here. Wouldn't you feel the same way? Think about it. You'd feel the same way, wouldn't you, if it were Dad? You'd have to go, wouldn't you? Please try to understand.

Please take good care of Teddy. I'll be careful while I'm there, and I know Remus will to, but I know the risks. I know that one or both of us could die there. If we do, then I... I want to know that he's in good hands, and I trust you implicitly. With his life. Like I always trusted you with mine. Don't worry. I'll be fine. I just want to see it end. You know-

_Andromeda bit her lip as she continued reading, imagining her daughter's joking smile._

-I wouldn't be a very good Auror if I sat here on my butt when the most evil Dark wizard ever was so close to defeat. Honestly, though, all joking aside, I'll be careful, and I'll be fine, so don't worry, and please take care of Teddy for me. But if-

_Here the writing grew more illegible, as if Tonks's hand had started shaking._

-Remus and I don't make it, promise me you'll tell Teddy we love him, and you'll tell him we died to make his world safer. Do it for me. And tell him about us.

Your daughter, now and forever

Nymphadora

_"I promise," Andromeda whispered softly as tears filled her eyes. She sat in the rocking chair with her grandson and kissed him softly on the forehead. And they both cried._


End file.
